ok, so it was mothers day this last Sunday. part of this post is very personal and i don't talk about it much but today i am going to in hopes that it may help someone else realize that they are not alone.
my whole life all I've ever wanted is to be a mother, but obviously my plan has not worked out as i planned, i can only hope that my Heavenly Father has something spectacular in store for me. i always joked about the fact that Alvin Smith is waiting for me on the other side of the Vail. the older i get the truer that statement feels. although i would not mind marrying Alvin Smith, I'm not sure i can wait that long. it is hard for me to see my best friends getting married and having children. i don't think some people realize how hard it really is. i don't let them see how hard it is for me. i pretend that it doesn't bother me too much, but really it does. not being a wife and a mother is one of the hardest things, actually its probably the hardest thing I've had to deal with in my life. in November i want to time out for women with my mom and sisters and my aunt Cheryl. it was amazing! it was something that i really needed. Sheri Dew was there and gave the most amazing talk. it hit me hard and helped me a lot. she talked about how she has fasted and prayed every month for a husband for 50 years. and how there was one conference when she was in the General Relief Society that she had to write a talk and was inspired to talk on mothers, she thought i am not a mother how am i supposed to write a talk on mothers. and then she wrote one of the most amazing talks called "are we not all mothers" here it is:
if someone as amazing as Sheri Dew can live her life with out marriage. i can get through it to. it is just something that some of have to go through. all we need to do is turn our burden over to the Lord, so that he can help us carry the load that is to heavy to bear.
now on a happier not, my mother is one of the most amazing people i know and the mother that was sculpted and molded especially for me and my siblings. there is no doubt in my mind that she was meant to be my mother and i was meant to be her daughter. i hope that all of my siblings feel the same way. we (all 9 of us) have put her through the ringer, some days i am surprised that she has survived. and some days that we survived. he he i mad this slide show for her on mothers day and put it to this song. i heard this song and thought it was very fitting for her. every bit of it describes her. i hope she knows how amazing she is and how much i love and appreciate her and hope to one day be the kind of mother that she is. i love you mom!
